#10 I should have protested

Coming to terms with not participating in nation-wide protests while figuring out what to do next.

“There is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.”

Amanda Gorman

I should have marched yesterday.

I should have joined the thousands in Boston celebrating PRIDE who merged with the No Kings protest.

I should have joined everyone who opted to walk, despite the rain.

I should have picked up an umbrella and driven a dozen miles into the city.

I’ve done it before. But I didn’t this time.

I couldn’t because my daughter was sick. Or rather, I wouldn’t even after I brought her home from the urgent care clinic. My husband could’ve taken care of her while I marched with my other two kids — or even alone — to show them what it looks like to stand up for what you believe in.

But I didn’t.

So what do I do now?

In a moment such as this, I can write. I can listen to that voice telling me to speak up, for surely someone reading this will relate to my angst and regret. All of us who should’ve, could’ve, would’ve if the timing was right or the conditions were perfect or the to-do list was finished or or or…

In a moment such as this, I can show up as the flawed human being that I am and ask for grace, knowing we all respond to crisis differently. That we are living in a time of overwhelm. All the anger. All the hurt. All the lives lost and dreams surrendered.

In a moment such as this, I can lean into the questions themselves without having the answers. What is my protest? What is the light I strive to be? What is my task today, tomorrow and the next?

In a moment such as this, I can breathe goodness and mercy into the world. I can choose to be the light. And I can remind myself that I can stand up on a different day in a different way.

In a moment such as this, what will you do?